The Goodness of our Sexuality

I’ve listened to this presentation three or four times now. It is Fr. Carter Griffin’s talk on “Integral Human Formation of the Priest: The Contribution of John Paul II.” There are a few major insights that I want to devote a few of these posts to reflecting on. The first came as a welcome insight for my wife and I as we were listening to it on the way home from CatholicPsych Institute’s “Summit of Integration.” Fr. Griffin makes the point that a man or woman ought to have an attraction to marriage and family life. It is a natural flowering of the generative powers that are an essential part of what makes us human. He points out that if a candidate came to him saying that he had no desire for marriage, that would undoubtedly be a sign of a need for more maturation.

There is something beautiful about marriage and family life, objectively beautiful. This was something that I couldn’t see growing up. My parents divorced when I was seven and I didn’t have a healthy picture of how men and women interacted. If there was a desire for marriage and family, it was buried under a fear of how chaotic it might become. Fast forward to a few years into formation with the Discalced Carmelite friars: I come across Pope St. John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility. I decided to make a concerted effort to trudge through it. What he wrote about the drive in men and women to come together in complementary love and procreate spoke in such a direct and powerful way to me. Up until then, I was unsure about that deep part of myself. Was it good? Was it meant to be embraced? What might happen if I acknowledged it? JPII’s words unequivocally affirmed the goodness of this part of me, such that I knew it was God’s Will for me to seek the intimacy of marriage.

            I think this is a struggle men and women have in their growth in adolescence and young adulthood. I speak with great gentleness and compassion because this is an area where we carry loads of shame and fear about our own potential. We haven’t been affirmed in the goodness of our full potential as future husbands and wives, fathers and mothers. We’ve come to believe lies about ourselves, lies that couldn’t be farther from the truth of how the Lord created and loves us. We don’t know with confidence that our sexuality is good, truly good. And, whether we’re called to celibacy or marriage, that God-given drive was always meant to bear glorious fruit. If this is reaching a deep place within you and you sense a need to process it out, I’m here for you. You have my prayers, but I can also walk with you. Just fill out the inquiry form at the bottom of the page and see if I can help.