What initially drew you to consider religious life and to the Discalced Carmelites?

As I’ve come to realize with everything, several factors were at play in my life. For one, I was living a mediocre spiritual and religious life up to that point (freshman year of college). My relationship with my (then) girlfriend was full of stress, fear, insecurity. I had no idea where my life was really going. I wasn’t really aware of the possibility that God would lead me to something greater. When my youth minister gave me The Impact of God-a book about St. John of the Cross’s spirituality-and I read it, it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I can compare it to the “violent inbreaking of God’s grace,” an expression that philosopher Jennifer Frey used to describe the way Flannery O’Connor writes. It shined such a nourishing, captivating light on my heart and my spiritual life that I was utterly drawn to follow it. I became just slightly aware of a path opening before me that was an answer to the anxious, aimless mediocrity in which I was living. I started to develop a palpable sense that God was leading me, calling me on to something more. I say only “something more” because I had no idea where this ‘inbreaking’ would lead me. I only saw it as leading me to a freedom from the aimless mire that I had been walking in to that point.

            The initial exposure to the deep mystical spirituality of John of the Cross was no doubt part of the Lord’s Providence. I was so used to living on the surface that it was hard to receive what I was reading other than a nourishing light on parts of my interior life that I had no idea were even there. All of this sounds very deep, but the truth is that I was being very gently guided out of a tough situation. I started to feel a sense of hope develop. This led to a sense of strength that I could make firm decisions about my life, as difficult as that was. I have yet to really look back on the steps I took after, but I started researching Come and See retreats. I reached out to the vocation director for the Archdiocese of Boston. And I brought it up with my girlfriend at the time. Those steps were huge. To begin really redirecting me to take active steps showed that this was at least enkindling something in me that was genuine.

            All of this is to say that the Lord leads us by the heart. The more we can gently and steadily build interior awareness of our hearts, the more we’ll be able to perceive God’s guidance in our lives. There are a number of ways to start fostering this: Catholic mindfulness, daily Ignatian examen prayer, lectio divina, intimate and holy friendships, journaling, to name a few.

            In my next reflection, I’ll share more about my experience with the Discalced Carmelites and how the Lord guided me to see that I was called to marriage.